Plane

We’ve all been there, we’ve all experienced that. That wonderful moment when you’re so excited about your trip and then it’s just ruined, by some random crazy person you don’t want to meet but,  I’m 100 percent sure,  you always run into. I’ve been partly living at the airports or on planes for more than two years and I became pretty good, at segregate some special species, you just don’t wanna meet at the airport. So let’s count down some of them!

Golden/silver/whatever metal queens. Who doesn’t know that you need to go through a metal detector at the airport? Everyone knows, but not everyone cares. There’ll be one or two ladies, pimped by insane amount of rings, necklaces and bracelets. Even their high heels will be covered in some kind of metal. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them would carry a damned crown! Do they bother to remove all of their evidences of richness? No, she will go through the detector about two thousand times, acting like she doesn’t get why this thing is beeping like crazy. Meanwhile, everyone needs to wait about an hour ‘till the airport worker puts away all the stuff she’s carrying as she won’t do it herself. Too much work to be done with her precious hands. Dear, queen of fanciness, you’re at the airport, not going to the Grammies, sorry.

Parents, trying to act like their child doesn’t need a ticket. I get that babies don’t need an extra seat, but your 8-years-old isn’t an infant or a toddler anymore! He’s like an adult, just a bit smaller. Is he going to sit on your knees for 3 hours during the flight? I doubt that. Are you gonna be comfortable with him sitting on your lap? I have even more doubts about this one. One way or another, this situation will disturb everyone on the plane as your 8-years-old infant will start to complain and kick the front seat like a soccer ball. Wouldn’t it be easier to buy him a separate ticket and won’t cause chaos to everyone?

Airport's people

People, having a problem with understanding what is hand baggage. I think everyone has heard someone complaining about the new rule of the hand luggage size of the Wizzair airlines. Meanwhile, I was clapping my hands like a little child, who was given a cheap candy. Finally! I’ve never had a clue why people have such a hard time understanding, that you should carry your hand baggage in your hand, not roll around with it. That why it’s called ‘hand’… And there still will be a few people, who will roll into an airplane, with their huge luggage and try to put it into the overhead bin. Usually these bags are heavy as hell, as you see the face getting red when the owner tries to lift it up. While doing this, he will try to kill a few people sitting in their seats accidentally… or not. These people should always listen to the song “They see me rolling, they hating” on their iPods as we truly hate them!

Middle-aged man with his life story. We all know about the midlife crisis, it happens and you basically can do nothing about it. I don’t blame middle-aged people and their insane behaviors, as I don’t know what mine will be. Maybe I will tattoo all of my body, or will try to act like a teenager in my fifties. So no judgment, but do I really need to listen to one of these sad man’s life story? I don’t think so. But let’s face the reality, it always happens.  First of all, he will act extremely politely and friendly, to tame you so you won’t run away, when he will start his monologue, about pretty much nothing, and everything at the same time. Secondly, he will order a few glasses of whiskey to feel more freely, and laid back, and then it will start. Here you go, you have a middle-aged man with no boundaries or whatsoever. After an hour on the plane you will know everything about his wife, children, parents, lovers and work. None of these things will be positive, as his life is full of crap, he wants to drop everything and go to live in Thailand. I still don’t know why Thailand is the most favorite destination… Maybe cause of cheap women or half women. Only God knows.

Eastern European gangs of emigrants. Sometimes I just forget things and usually it must be the most crucial stuff like headphones. I don’t want to listen to anyone’s conversations as I still have some ethics, but there’re times when you just cannot avoid it, as it’s too loud to not hear it. Yes, I’m talking about Eastern Europeans coming home. I don’t know why they need to go on the planes as a gang; maybe they are too scared to fly alone. I mentioned a word ‘gang’ for a reason, because somehow these people create their own identity, which looks alike Bloods and Crips mentality. They must have enemies, they will always stand for each other, and try to show off everything they have earned while working with carrots in the factory. Way to go, bros! In my opinion, children must be banned from flights with these gangs, as the flight will contain dramatic proceeding and material, that may be disturbing for some people. So people discretion must be advised.

It’s just a few special species of people you don’t want to meet but I’m sure you will do. The list can be endless and maybe you’re one of these species. Maybe I’m one of them, you’ll never know. It can be that I’m a dude with ten rings, golden chain on my neck, rolling my enormous ‘hand’ baggage into the plane, talking about my shitty life with strangers or with my crazy gang mates. So next time at the airport you better watch out cause I’ll be waiting!

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