“I’ve seen it all” I said after the sheikh of Abu Dhabi brought his own living lamb from his country to kill in ours for dinner, only because European way of killing animals is not human enough according to their religion.  And the man really wanted to have fresh meat for his meal.

“Now I’ve really seen it all” I said after exactly one week when a group of Jewish Orthodox turned one of our conference rooms in a synagogue and was praying so long and intensively that all of our light systems went down. After all, they had to leave to their rooms where they vomited at every single corner because apparently, when you are in a trance, you just don’t care enough.

“It has to be it ” I said when I was nearly attacked by one of the members of the Chinese politicians security when I tried to bring him a toothpick that he asked like 30 seconds before, but changing his mind in the last ten.

And I am just a waiter in five stars hotel.

Stephen King once said “Every hotel has a scandal as every hotel has a ghost. Why? Because hell people come and go.” And after three years experience in five stars hotels I have to say that he was nothing but a wise man. I think that every single person who was lucky enough to visit a luxury hotel at least once in their lives was wondering what is going on behind closed doors and smiles of perfectly trained staff.  We are not only taught to fulfill your expectations, to guess your fantasies and make them happen or walk hundreds of extra miles with shiny shoes. The most important thing is that we are the best secrets keepers you can find in the world.

In those years I’ve seen men and women spending nights with their secret lovers, and then having dinner with their happy family on the day after. I was pleased to serve champagne while someone was having threesome or foursome orgy. I had to help clean cocaine from the furniture after worldwide known rock bands party. And several times brought coffee on the roof of the building to the security snipers who were there to make sure that no bad guy would have tried to harm our VIP guests.  People like to bring their dirty laundry to the five stars hotels, because they know that the price they pay is not only for the best quality furniture, most trendy modern art paintings covering room walls, best quality crystal glasses of finest drinks or fantastic meals prepared by Michelin stars chefs. They pay for my cool calm and collected smile which tells them that there is nothing to worry about and, as long as they will treat me well, everything will stay behind closed doors. Nowhere else in the world you will find a place where everything that surrounds you will be so flexible and keen to serve your needs. When you first enter our doors you feel like Alice in Wonderland: is our kingdom of distorted mirrors the one that will show you the reflections you want to see.  Just don’t lose yourself because one day everyone has to come back to reality.

So, this morning I served breakfast for her royal highness. And how was your day?


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