Rock star

It was a wonderful evening of July when I was enjoying my teenager spirit a bit too much and music festivals were my thing where I could expose my inner groupie with no judgmental comments or a sharp eye of my parents. I’ve never thought that the careless and reckless urge to hang out with musicians would turn to the idea that I want to spend the rest of my life with one of them. But it happened that exact night on the 4th of July in 2009.

Let’s use the time machine

The front line facing the stage was my favorite spot, so it is logical that I was there that night too, surrounded by screaming fan girls and a drunken weirdo with a huge beard. It didn’t seem like something different would happened. I was enjoying myself and the view of a few young and handsome musicians on the stage. Which 15-year-old girl wouldn’t enjoy cute looks from the front man of the band anyway? Yeah, I was naïve and my mind wasn’t working in the rational way at all. I was controlled by insane hormones rushing through my whole body and, please, don’t judge me, we all went through that stage in our life. Few songs passed by and mister rock star was kneeing and singing a love song for me. It was the moment! I don’t remember if I have been crying or laughing, I felt butterflies in my tummy buzzing all over the place summoning that warm feeling inside. I was 15-year-old girl suddenly falling in love. I didn’t have any problems of showing that. I screamed ‘I love you’ even knowing I wouldn’t be able to talk for a few weeks because of this act. He felt the same way. Next thing I know, we were sitting in the trunk of a van, young immature and crazy in love. That was more than enough for me at that moment.

Getting to know a shy British boy, not the egocentric front man

We all have an idea how the rock star should act, talk or even smell while crying his heart out with an electric guitar, in front of thousands of people staring at him. But my experience would shout “WRONG!” out loud in your face. I and Mr Rock Star went into long distance relationship status after our first meeting or date, call it whatever you want to. I had a thought that I was dealing with ‘the bad boy every girl wants to be with’ type of guy for the first weeks. It took me some time to realize that he wasn’t the same person when he walked on the ground as all of us, mortals, compared as who he was on the stage. He became the guy next door, even if his door was 1500 kilometers away from mine. I had a boyfriend, not a trophy rock star in my life. I’ve met his parents, siblings; I’ve seen his ordinary life with his unordinary talent.

The fancy life on the road with a rock band…not really

One day he asked me if I would like to join him and his band on the tour around the Europe. Yeah, you guessed it right, I said “YES!” with the rock ’n’ roll spark in my eyes. Party! I could taste sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll on the tip of my tongue and I was hungry for it. I think my weakest part is understanding expectations and reality. Always kept mixing those two. Sex, drugs and rock ’n’ roll was soon changed into sleepless nights, cheap hotels and instruments’ packing. Drive, sleep, make the sound check, play a gig and repeat. I can’t say that it wasn’t fun; I was by his side, we laughed, we were each other’s rock, we were everything I ever wanted to be for someone. I was honestly happy to wash his dirty socks in the tiny hotel room or make something to eat when I had an opportunity, as we were alive on food made in the gas stations. Oh, lets not forget 3 other guys in the company. We were like a little family living on the van. They were rock stars in the evening and lost young people trying to find their way in life in the afternoon. There was nothing fancy about it. We weren’t rich; we haven’t drunk Crystal in the back of the limousine. We ate cheapest burgers in the Ford that was not that safe to ride and we were happy. That was the period in my life when I understood that money doesn’t make you rich – it is the people who you are with.

Time to grow apart

I led this double lifestyle for almost 5 years. I was ‘A grade’ student at the high school, bullied a lot with a hidden part of me nobody knew about. I was traveling around the world, meeting a bunch of interesting and talented people, enjoying the life which became better through the years. His career was growing faster and faster, I was making my way with art. We had everything what we wanted: a flat in London, a group of trustworthy friends, our families united, a pile of future dreams and plans. We were on the top of the Everest! We were simple people with the masks we would use for big crowds; but sometimes masks can grow onto your face. He became a full time rock star. That was exactly what I wanted when I was 15; be careful what you wish for because it can become your own reality. He moved to Canada, I stayed in Europe and it was the end of the dream once it came true. We’ve grown up together, but not on the same path and it was a time when we needed to grow apart. Sad, isn’t it?

The end without the end

“My ex-boyfriend was a jerk!”, the sentence you would never hear from me. He’s amazing, talented and clever. I’ll always respect him as a professional, a hard working person who can do everything he puts his mind on.  Have we grown apart successfully? No, we still keep in touch. Our relationship is very different now but it wasn’t possible to be separated. We talk a lot, we help each other out, we laugh at the silly things from the past; but still, I always miss that shy British boy I’ve met years ago and spent a quarter of my life with. I don’t miss the rock star’s part; I miss simple things which make life worth living. He rocks, I do the same; just not together any more.

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